Cauccupy Iowa
A strange phenomenon hit the Midwest the other day. A caravan of slick-haired, orange-skinned, sport-coat-clad strangers appeared in Iowa asking the people of the state to choose one of them as their favorite. The group appeared in everything from buses to sports cars and were organized into seven groups and each led by one leader, six men and one woman.
The leaders were unrelenting, traveling to even the smallest of towns such as Hiawatha, even convincing natives of other towns to come with them to vote in large assemblies. Many of the leaders spoke of the dangers of big government, how it could overrun their lives if they didn’t choose “correctly.” They railed and ranted about, first the chosen leaders of the country, and then fell into infighting between the seven.
The Seven, dubbed “candidates” referred multiple times to these events as “The Iowa Caucuses.” The natives gathered in huge groups to listen to the candidates speak of “true republicanism.” As it is was a rather entertaining thing to watch, I cannot help but try to give an example. Candidate X would sit and watch an Iowan talk about why they thought that Candidate X was the best out of the seven to be chosen. Then Candidate X would stand up and speak about why he or she was the best of the seven and why Candidate Y was the worst.
The events were televised and as the Iowans respectfully listened to the candidates and the promoters, “News Commentators” yelled and screamed about the importance of these events, how the results would indicate the direction of the country and the future of the people, that it would define this era, which appeared to leave the Iowans unfazed.
The caucuses also called “Primaries” are apparently an annual event and yet, the Iowans still seemed slightly amazed and in awe of the whole event. The pompous, synthetically-tanned, aliens were no less than out of place in the state but wasted no time until they ingratiating themselves with the Iowans in a way reminiscent of Christopher Columbus and the “savage natives.” As if these were simple people, untainted and ripe for the picking.
If nothing else, these strange happenings were and apparently will continue to be very entertaining.
–James
